Ghosts of Yesterday
Friday, Feb. 10, 2006, 19:58
As I sit here typing I find myself in the exact same spot that I was in over a year ago. October 2004 was indeed a strange month.
I met a man who professed his undying love for me and met another who literally knocked my socks off.
How do I find myself in the same situation,now 20 months later? The fact is that guy #1 has been in touch lately and tells me that he feels the same way now that he did nearly two years ago. He wants to make a life with me and is offering everything that I have ever wanted. Looking back at all the emotions that I had regarding this a year ago, I also recall guy #2 who came along when I least expected him and who showed me a magic that I had never seen before.
Sometimes its hard to say rather the feelings that I'm having now are from memory or if they never went away. When you experience a chemistry and a passion that touches your soul it never goes away. I realize that since I met him I have been searching for that same feeling....never finding it, only disappointment.
What does it all mean? What am I supposed to do?
Somehow if I end up with guy #1 it seems like settling, like giving up and giving in. I don't want to do that. I want to be madly in love with someone that I adore and cherish. I want to feels sparks and passion everyday. I want to be with a man that I just can't stop kissing.
I want to be happy.
What am I going to do?
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