Desideratum
Thursday, Dec. 23, 2004, 16:22
I had thought about not posting this entry in case a certain someone should read it. But I figure if he doesn't know what I think of him yet, he never will. So I sit here pouring my heart out onto a computer screen, make of it what you will.
I have been in touch with James a few times and he still wants to see me. He has moved considerably closer to me than he was while he was in Florida. Today in fact he told me, I want you to "date me and fall in love". I will be the first to agree that the thought of falling in love is very appealing to me. I want that and more. I want to find my best friend and fall madly in love with him. It also crossed my mind to settle for Mr. "Right Now" and see what happens. But I knew I could never do that because when James asked me what did I honestly think when I thought of him, all of the negative things about him came to mind instantly. I had to tell him my concerns because it was the only fair thing to do. He signed off Messenger and I expect not to hear from him again.
As much as I think I don't know what I want right now, one thing comes to mind when I think of who I want to spend time with. I know who I want to ask me "What are you thinking?", I know who I want to quote the movie "Dumb and Dumber" to me, I know who I want to teach me all about hockey, I know who I want to get a foot rub from at the end of the day, I know who's neck I want to work the kinks out of from sitting on that "lousy couch", I know who I wanted to laugh with me over my failed attempt at making sponge toffee, and who I would be willing to put maple syrup on anything for. I know who I miss, I know who I want to learn more about,I know who I want to know better as a friend, and I know who makes me smile. Most of all, I know who I want the absolute best for. He deserves everything wonderful and more.
*Hint: His name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'n' , in case there was any question ;)
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