Pondering love
Friday, May. 02, 2003, 19:13
Love or the lack there of... When I was younger ( I do not believe that I just used that phrase, God am I old..) I wasn't afraid of love. I welcomed it with open arms. If it didn't work out with the gorgeous football player, then what the hell...the guy on the track team was just as cute.I have been out of highschool for 16 years and life has indeed been cruel when it comes to love. I wasn't overly concerned with getting my heart broken back then, like I am now. I have just recovered, somewhat from a seven year relationship with a true player who is the love of my life...the one that I am meant to grow old with.I loved everything about him except his inability to tell the truth and to be manogamous. Of course I like any other decent woman thought that if I loved him enough, he could mend his ways and we would sit on the porch sharing jello when we are 80. WRONG!!
It has been 6 months since I last saw him and it takes every ounce of strength that I have NOT to call him, you know just to say "Hi, how are you?" I have made great progress..I joined an online dating site and have gone out a few times with some really great men...hence the dilema and the pondering of love.
I met a REALLY great guy about a month and a half ago. He seems too good to be true and that scares the hell out of me. I think that if I had never been hurt..I could be absolutely crazy about this guy. He is kind, sweet, caring, concerned with how I am doing and how my day went. He calls just to say Hi and that he's thinking of me. He is a true gentleman, spends loads of dough on me and doesn't expect anything in return. He doesn't feel that he is entitled to a piece if ass, just because he fed me dinner at a fancy resturant. You may think, whats the big deal, this guy is just acting normal....but remember that I am used to someone who shows up at 3 am, pecking on my bedroom window because he wants some action. Someone who doesn't care if I have to get up for work at 4, just as long as his piece of ass is there for him. I had been treated like crap for so long that crap became "normal" and it didn't matter anymore how I felt. I truly believed that it was better to have him sometime, than never at all.
So anyway....I have met a wonderful man..one who really seems to have it all together..he's really cute and funny..has a great heart..seems to like me alot...cares about me for me and not for what he can get...and I can't enjoy it. All because I am too scared to get excited and to try out the love thing again. I don't want to get hurt, but I don't want to miss out on something great either. I need someone to just kick me in the pants and say " GO for it, Chickie Do!! What have you got to lose?"
Maybe I will...you know let my guard down just a wee bit and see how it goes.
last - next