A Bit of Alright.
Tuesday, Sept. 02, 2003, 08:17
I find you irresistible. You are delicious, delectable and easy on the eyes. I don't know if I like this or not. Before you, my life had some semblance of control. I had control. Control over my emotions, my dreams, my fears. I knew where I stood with everyone around me and I kept my heart at a distance. That was comfortable, safe and painless.
Then you came along and I find myself losing my grip. Slipping into emotions that I don't want to have. Losing myself in your eyes every time you look at me. Losing all sense of time and space when you move into the room. I don't like it. It scares the hell out of me. You scare me, or rather the fact that you could break my heart scares me. That I have started to give you that power over me terrifies me. I want to run. By running I escape all possibility of heartbreak and devastation, but I may also lose the greatest love and or friend I have ever known. Time will tell if this is meant to be. I only hope that I can let myself enjoy the moments spent with you without fear or doubt.
You told me last night that that I will only find true joy with a man when I give up control. When I give myself to someone completely and fearlessly. Is that what you want from me? Do you want to be the one that I find true joy with? Do you want me to lose all my self control with you? Give you my heart with no reservations. Sometimes,that would be easy to do it seems. You are a bit of alright, I'd say.
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