Nonchalance
Saturday, Sept. 27, 2003, 22:07
Why do I do this? Why do I let the past interfere with the present so much? Why do I insist on carrying such heavy baggage? Why does it seem like I am not happy unless I am miserable? Why can't I enjoy happiness? Why do I always assume the worst?............
I have been playing games, so to speak and I hate games. I am too afraid to put my feelings out there, so I act nonchalant and like I don't care. Why then do I get my feelings hurt when he reciprocates the same feelings that I portray? When he mirrors my actions,why does it hurt so terribly? Is it safe to assume that he feels the same? That he is hurt when I act like I could either take this relationship or leave it? We try to tell ourselves (and everyone else) that we are not in a "relationship"...that this is a day by day, take it as it comes thing, not a true one on one relationship. But when you do the things that we do with each other, when you get this close to another person, you are in a relationship rather you like it or not. When you mesh and mingle with another, become entwined in their day to day life...you are in a relationship. Simple as that. I just hope that we will be able to see this "thing" for the blessing that it is before it is too late.
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