Women.....Ugh!
Tuesday, Feb. 10, 2004, 08:46
We women are such wondrous and glorious creatures, aren't we? One day we are up, one day we are down and most times we are like a freaky one woman circus. Maybe it is stress, maybe hormones,maybe the fact that I have been sick for two weeks....who knows? One day I am ecstatic,thinking that anything is possible, and the next I feel as if there will never be another ray of sunshine. One day love and all things wonderful are on the horizon, the next I am utterly alone and fed up with the search for Mr Right (if he exists at all)
Normally, my mood swings would be of no consequence, but now there is someone else to consider. I have a dear friend who I love with everything in me and he can read me like a book. He can see through the little smilies on the instant messaging screen and he knows if I am truthful or not when I type "Things are great!!" He will ask what is wrong saying "You type like you are down, do you need to talk?" To which I will reply "I am fine, things are great :)" What amazes me is that he KNOWS when it is utter bullshit and when it is not.
I never want to hurt him, but I feel like I do with my incessant need to be close to him and to want more from him than the friendship that he is offering. I think that I make him feel bad about himself because he cannot give me what I want and need totally, and that absolutely kills me inside. I hate that I put him in this position and it breaks my heart to know that I add to his stress at a time when he especially needs a friend. I have been a horrible and selfish person. I only hope that he can bear with me and hang in there long enough for me to snap out of it.
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