I Don't Wanna
Monday, Feb. 09, 2004, 09:05
I don't want to fall in love with him. I have had enough of that. All of the unrequited love, feeling crazy about someone who does not feel the same for me or daydreaming about someone who only gives me a passing thought every now and then. Its not worth it and my heart can't take it. I am tired and alone and quite frankly, both suck at the moment. I always seem to do this to myself, building up and idealizing an emotionally unavailable man. Always thinking that if I hang in there, be patient or somehow give him time, that he will come around, wake up, smell the coffee and all that nonsense. But he never does. I wait and waste time and in the end my feelings are royally smashed and bashed.
I don't want to fall in love with him, I just don't wanna...........I think I am going to go to bed, put my head under the covers and have a good cry. Maybe, at least that way I won't say some silly thing about wanting a relationship with him when I talk to him. I know that he finds that frustrating, and actually so do I.
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