Nice Day For A White Wedding, NOT!
Saturday, Apr. 23, 2005, 20:16
The "Player" is married and I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. He got married today and with my impeccable timing,I just happened to call his cell after the deed was done and he was still at the church. Looking back on it now, I have to wonder why he answered the phone at all, knowing full well that he has caller ID. I don't know why I had the urge to call him since we have not heard from him in three weeks and a day to be exact. Not since I told the "Princess" that he was her father and he met us at the park for an hour or so. He has not called,visited or sent any smoke signals since that time. THREE weeks and I feel the need to call him TODAY. It really is eerie. But then again, we always had that connection that we could never quite explain. I asked if he was busy and he said "No,whats up?" I told him the "Princess" danced in the Chattanooga Times/News Free Press Kids Talent Search today and that she had done really well. I also apologized for not telling him about it sooner,knowing full well that I in reality did not want him there. He said "Oh, thats OK. I couldn't have made it today anyway." "Oh, are you working today?" "No," he said. "I got married today. I told you that it was this month." Well there are a lot of days in a month and I had no idea that today was the day. I tried to put on my best smile and said "Congratulations." He told me that he didn't think I would let the "Princess" be in the wedding and that is why he didn't ask. So I nonchalantly chirped back "Well, I didn't think that you would want her to,so that is why I didn't offer. And she would have been so pretty too." I think he knew I was lying. He could always see right through me and I always hated it.
I wanted to cry, but I held it together and so far I have not shed a tear yet (I talked to him 6 hours ago, so I think I am doing pretty well). I wanted to cry not because he is married and not because I can't have him, but because it simply is not fair. I try to get on with my life, I try to find a partner to share things with and it never seems to work out. I am not complaining per say because I have made really great friends whom understand me and cherish me more than he ever did. But I want the "Fairy Tale" or at least someone that I can depend on and run to when things go wrong. I want someone whose hugs make it all better and who can make me smile in the middle of my monsoon crying spells. I want someone who makes me sweat and my stomach tie into knots when he walks in the room. I want someone who can do the same things for me and to me that he did. All except the lying, cheating and stomping on my heart part. That sort of drama I can do without.
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