New Years Eve Retrospect
Thursday, Jan. 01, 2004, 22:12
Happy New Year!! Happy Fucking New Year! The results of last night......hmm lets see where to start? The drive to Knoxville was great,my best friend of 20 some years and I giggling like we did back in High School. The arrival was great "D" looked smashing, we got all dolled up in our fancy dresses and went to dinner. Dinner was great, excellent restuarant, excellent food, wine and atmosphere. The drive to Gatlinburg was great I sat next to "D" snuggled on his shoulder. The lights in Gatlinburg, the ball dropping from the Space Needle was great, and the fireworks were beautiful and my New Years kiss was awesome. I was so happy to be at that place at that moment with my best friend and a great man that had been a good friend to me also. But somewhere between the drinking and the dancing, and acting silly back at his house, things went very awkward. To summarize, my "date" became interested in my best friend instead of me and she allowed it to happen. A snuggle and kissing on the sofa may be a minor violation considering that "D" and I were not in a quote serious relationship, but I was throughly pissed off at them both (her more so than he) and I left. I got the hell out of Dodge, driving and crying at 6 am this morning. She made no effort to come with me, so she in fact spent the rest of the day with him and is still there for tonight also. He said at 8 this evening that he was too tired to drive her home today and that he would bring her in the morning. Nice, real fucking nice.
So fellow DiaryLanders, do you know what I did? I regressed, I backslid, I fell off the proverbial wagon. Through the tears and the heartbreak (I have lost my best friend) and the anguish, I find myself standing on a front porch staring at a door that I had not seen in a long time. I was knocking on the "Players" front door, asking for and needing one of those awesome hugs that he has. Those hugs that he gave me when my world was falling apart. The kind of hug that makes you feel safe, secure and like everything will be alright. I needed that, I wanted that and I wanted him to make me forget about the night before. I wanted him to make love to me. He did and our time together was incredible, just as it always was. It really felt like old times, although I have no desire to go down that road again. Those old times were hell on my heart and my mind, however there is really something to be said about a "grudge fuck".
(Background info, the only reason that I gave the "Player" a thought was because he had come by here earlier in the day to bring our daughter a Christmas present. He just showed up after being AWOL for over a year. Out of the blue, he decides to care enough to bring a gift. I was shocked to say the least)
Where is this going and what does it all mean? Is it true that whatever you are doing on New Years, you will be doing all year? Lets hope not.
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