Curses!!
Monday, Jun. 09, 2003, 20:51
I think that there has been a 3 month curse or hex put on me...it started back in highschool when I began to get the feeling that boys only like me for three months. Actually they adore and worship me for about three months and then the thrill wears off and they begin to take me for granted, stop calling or both. Worse yet they break up with me. This left an emotional scar on me that followed me into adult life. I honestly felt like 'once they get to know me...they no longer like me.' I have no trouble attracting men, but I can't keep them interested for more than three months.
At my ten year highschool reunion, something that was revealed to me shed some light on the matter. My highschool sweetheart told me that everytime I was seeing someone new, he would get his :"big football playing" buddies to scare the guy off, (see, we had this love-hate relationship for most of my highschool years....he even asked me to marry him and ran off to join the Army when I refused...."To prove to you that I am a MAN and not a boy!!!")BTW I still have the love letters that he sent me from Basic Training....but thats another story.
The point is, I began to feel silly about the whole curse idea.....until it began to happen once again after I was divorced. I dated a guy for a year and a half even though things went sour after three months...I hung in there thinking that I could love him enough to save him from the Southern Comfort and pot that he loved so much. I realized it was hopeless after I met Prince Charming, aka "The Player" and he swept me off my feet...he rocked my world and I fell madly in love with him. I found out later that he cheated on me the entire time we were involved (7 years) but we did have that glorious first three months......and I hung on to that feeling, hoping and praying endlessly to get it back. I have not seen him for 7 months now...I even had a little internet fling that lasted....you guessed it....3 MONTHS. I met a guy on one of those Singles Sites and we emailed, Im'd, snail mailed, talked on the phone and really liked each other alot. I went to meet him and he really was great, but there were no sparks really to speak of (not for me anyway) He was enthralled.....but after we had known each other for 3 months and 6 days, he sent me a Dear Jane letter saying that he couldn't explain it...but that whatever he felt was no longer there, he didn't know when, how or why,but that he no longer wanted to continue the relationship. He was right, it was a long distance thing and probably never would have worked out, but the point is that HE ended it after only three months!!!
So now, I get the feeling that the same thing is happening with "J".....he no longer calls fourteen times a day (kidding)...he doesn't seem as eager to see me, he never makes plans...he just assumes that I will run over to his place right after work, or that I will be able to meet him for dinner at a moments notice, we seemed to have lost the spark that we had......and I will have known him for three months on June 12th......AAAARRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I try to keep telling my self that it is not a curse that is happening to me. "J" is extremely busy at work, he has a new position that requires more time and trouble and a ton of stress....his allergies have been murder on him, he is tired and worn out and THAT is why he is slacking off on the romance....he simply does not feel good. It has nothing to do with me, nothing whatsoever. I spoke with a friend about this and the only conclusion is that I am high maintence..emotionally high maintence, I want to be worshiped and adored, I want to come first, I want someone to ooh and aah all over me, I want to feel special and wonderful and be treated like a Princess. But I also want to know when to let go and to call it quits. Maybe when "J" feels better ( he went for skin tests today and is starting back on allergy shots) things will perk up, I plan to give him every benefit of the doubt because he really is a special guy that I would hate to lose. Only time will tell.............I will keep in mind that "True love is patient, infatuation is not" I must learn patience, it seems.
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