A new love??
Sunday, Jul. 27, 2003, 21:05
What a whirlwind! I may finally be on to something here, although it is still too soon to tell, I can't help but feel really optimistic about the latest man that I have met. I realize that to most I sound like a slut or something, but that is FAR from the truth. The fact is I was painfully loyal to a lying, cheating, scumbag player for seven years. I was married to him in my heart and never thought about another man. When I finally woke up, I tried the online dating scene and it has been a blast. I actually felt undesireable and unlovable until recently. I felt that if the 110% that I gave to the man that I loved more than anything was not enough for him, that it would not be enough for anyone else. I didn't know how to be better and it was obvious that my best wasn't good enough. I felt used and thought that all men were the same and that I was only good for one thing...sex.
I am beginning to see that there are decent men out there because I have met a few of them. I have been treated with respect, taken out to nice resturants, held and kissed, made to feel desireable.....all of these things WITHOUT being expected or required to "put out". My faith in men has been restored somewhat,although I am still alittle gunshy about the whole love thing. I am hoping that will change in time.
Any way, back to the whirlwind.....I have met the most wonderful man (I know, I know thats what I thought about "J" too) but this time it is really different. "D" is a REAL man in every sense of the word. He is a gentle man as well as a gentleman, he is super intelligent, a great conversationalist, fun to be around, great to look at ( he has the most gorgeous sky blue eyes that I have ever seen), a great cook ( he has promised to make Creme Brulee for me,my fave) and the list goes on and on. I figure that this may be due to the fact that he is 10 years older than I am. He makes plans, he schedules time with me and seems able to make a commitment to see me. Those are all things that "J" would never do. I am desperately trying not to get too overly excited about this, but it is getting increasingly difficult not to.
On our second date, he was talking to a friend of mine that we were double dating with, and he reached for my hand under the table and I have never felt anything like it. My heart started pounding, and I felt a sort of tingle all over. I realized that this was our first intimate touch and as he stroked my hand, I knew that I would remember this moment forever. Suddenly I wanted to know what his hands would feel like all over my body. I imagined his strong,but soft hands carressing every inch of my anatomy. He must have sensed what I was thinking, because without missing a word, he gave me a side ways glance, squeezed my hand under the table and rubbed my thigh. I was melting into a puddle right there in the middle of coffee and dessert. I knew that I would definately be in for trouble with this man. He has the potential to sweep me off my feet and make me forget that my heart has ever been broken. Maybe someday I will be able to love like I have never been hurt. To be able to give myself freely without reservation would truly be a relief at this point in my life.
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