Vanity Unfair ~POY~
Saturday, Sept. 13, 2003, 13:23
Vanity Unfair
"It's on the TV, in movies, and in magazines.... Everywhere we turn society is telling us how we should look. What's attractive and what's not and so many of us women and men fall victim to these unrealistic ideals. Do you?
How do the pressures of 'beautiful society' effect you?"
This entry is for Pieces of You.
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Please don't hate me and please don't pass judgment until you read the entire entry.....
The truth is that I have one of those fashion model bodies, minus the big boobs of course. I am 5'7" and usually weigh anywhere from 106 lbs to 115 lbs....my heaviest to date has been 115. My weight fluctuates so dramatically because I can eat light for a few days (like if I am sick or too busy to eat) and lose 5 lbs. People tell me that they are jealous, but I hate the way that I look. A stick thin body is great for the cover of Cosmo, but not in the South. Not in real life. Most men want a woman with curves, something to squeeze and hold on to. A woman that he doesn't have to hold down when a gust of wind blows by.
I am very self conscious about my weight...I don't wear anything that shows off my arm or legs. For example, I don't wear shorts, mini skirts, tank tops or those cute little Baby T's. No sun dresses, strapless gowns, or swim suits. When I do go to the beach, it takes every ounce of strength that I have to put on the swimsuit, but if I get up to walk I put on a long t-shirt. People joke that many of my friends have never seen my elbows or knees (I have extremely knobby knees). I have sometimes wondered if I have a body dysmorphic disorder, maybe a Reverse Anorexia or something. Most people tell me that I look fine. In fact a friend once told me that I don't look sick or gaunt, like I think I do, but that I look petite and like I am supposed to be thin.Naturally thin, is there such a thing? Another friend had said she forgot that I was trying to gain weight because she doesn't see me like I do. She thinks that I don't need to gain weight (and she saw me in a swimsuit in Tampa).
So guys and gals, being thin is not all that it is cracked up to be. Until I get over my self esteem issues, I will continue to wear clothes that hide my thinness. No wonder I like Winter so much, it is hot as hell wearing jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt in the Summertime. But that is just the way I am. Can't wait to get those sweaters out of storage.
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