How to be.
Friday, Nov. 07, 2003, 23:13
I don't know how to be anything other than myself. I don't know how to be what you or anyone else wants me to be. Or what I need to be in order to find the happiness that has alluded me for so long. How to be the perfect girlfriend that you can't get enough of. How to be the woman that you can't live without, the soul mate and the partner that you have longed for. For some, I am not good enough. I am okay to hang out with, date and even sleep with, but not worthy of a commitment. For others, I am too good. Too gentle of a soul to take a chance on hurting. Someone that you would rather walk away from than to risk making a mistake with.
I know what you are feeling, I too am terrified of making a grave mistake. Of doing something that I can't erase the repercussions of. Afraid of hurting another because I didn't clearly think things through. But you know what, I am tired of thinking, sick and tired of pondering and wondering what the world wants from me. Wondering what kind of self improvements I need to make in order to have what so many have. A true love, a partner, a lover and a confidant that treats me with nothing but love, respect and admiration. That is the thing that I desire most, I just need to know how to be better than I am...or in some cases not as good as I am. I need to know how to be.
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