Heaven Vs Hell
Sunday, Jan. 04, 2004, 20:07
"Heaven....I'm in Heaven." I wish that I knew the rest of the song because it is very appropriate at the moment. Actually it was more appropriate for the hours of 5:30 pm last night and 10:00 am this morning, because I was with one of my dear friends and I was absolutely in Heaven. "M" is the greatest, I adore him and he has all the potential of becoming a great love of my life. (Don't worry, "M" I still have my wits about me and have not fallen in love with you ,yet) We had a great time doing nothing, just hanging out together. There was no pomp and circumstance, no fancy plans and no need for either of us to impress the other. No games, no lies, no pretenses. We are genuine with each other and we genuinely like each other,if that makes any sense. It is very refreshing to let your guard down,relax and enjoy an evening without worrying that you will look stupid, say something retarded, or otherwise ruin you chances of this person liking you. No pressure, no hoops to jump through, no ropes to hang yourself with. This is truly heavenly for me. And "M", my friend you are an angel :) :)
Now then, back to reality......I called my "ex?" best friend and we made plans to meet at the mall to chat and apologize properly. I truly am sorry for leaving her at "D's" house and she is sorry that she didn't reject his advances. I thought that we could get past this and things for her and I to be normal again. After all, a favor was actually done for me in the sense that I got to see his true colors and escape from the avalanche of a snow job that he put on me. However, I should have know my nature and how hard it is for me to trust once I have been betrayed. She started to walk into the mall and stopped to answer her cell phone. She waited outside for ten minutes while she talked on the phone, and only came in when she hung up. Normally she will talk to anyone on the phone in front of me, after all there were no secrets between us. This struck me as odd, and I immediately convinced myself that she must be talking to "D". Then later I mentioned that I had not talked to him and didn't know if I should call him or not. What did she think that I should do?, I asked. She matter of factly said "Thats between the two of you." What does that mean? I would think that if she didn't have a dog in this fight, she would say something like "He is a jerk,hell no don't call him." or "If you still want to be friends, call him." But instead she acted like she didn't want to know anything about him and I. I hate not being close to her, not trusting her, wondering what is going on between the two of them. I know that I shouldn't care one iota, but the situation still bothers me tremendously. This is hell for me.
Can I rewind the tape and go back to last night, go back to my angel to feel like I am in Heaven again?
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