Temporary Insanity....I hope.
Monday, May. 24, 2004, 09:24
A,
I wish I knew what kind of spell it is that you have over me. If I knew the words to chant, maybe I could break this invisible hold that you have on my heart and my mind. It has been over a year and a half since we last kissed, almost a year since I had seen you, and then you return like a ghost from my past. Seeing you again has opened old wounds,but it is not as painful as I had hoped it would be. If the wounds were stinging like having salt poured in them, then maybe I could resist your charm, steer clear of your scent and remain immune to your smile that makes me hope that you want me still. You are haunting my dreams at night and my thoughts during the day.
I should hate you with every ounce of strength that I have for the things that you have done and said to me and about me. I should slam the door in your face and tell you never to return, but I cannot. Seeing you again renews a hope in me that you have changed and that we could once again begin to build a life together. Seeing you smile at me like you once did when we were in love so long ago, makes me wonder if some of that love is still there for you. I have dreamt of you beside me and wished for you to return too many times to count and it seems now as if those wishes are coming true.
But wait, you always did return in the past, only to rip my heart out time and again. The sick game of lying and cheating always began after you had sucked me back in with your charm,and your scent and your smile. Oh, how I wish to be immune to this hold that you have over my heart and my mind.
C.
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