Have you found what you're looking for?
Tuesday, Mar. 29, 2005, 18:23
I don't know if you ever visit these pages anymore, but lets say that you do because I want to address some things. I guess I would have to ask you why. Why do you read my entries? What do you hope to find? Are you simply curious about my social life or do you long for me and want to know if I have found someone else?
I have not seen you in 5 months and the "thing" that we had (I use the term thing for lack of a better word, not to be cruel or to minimize the relationship) was short lived at best. It was over in a sense before it even got off the ground. A few magical moments and a lot of wishful thinking on my part, that you put a halt to all too quickly. I completely understand your position and I am fine with your decisions, but I am confused as to why you continue to keep tabs on me, so to speak by reading these entries. It seems a little unfair,doesn't it? You know all about me and I have no clue as to what you are thinking, feeling or doing these days.
It's true that I have met and gone out with a few people since the last time we saw each other. I have made great friends, had some fun dates and been kissed well. I have been complimented and made to feel special. I have even met one or two men that I really like, but none has compared to you. Is that what you wanted to know? Do you want to hear that no one else has "sparked" my interest and curiosity like you did? Do you want to read here that I still think of you and miss you? What if I said that I still place a certain hope in the fact that you will realize what you are missing and come to find me?
Do you keep yourself so busy with work and hockey and softball so that you won't have time to think? Do you need that sort of distraction to keep from being lonely or is it to avoid thoughts of me? Some part of me hopes that it is the latter.
I can't wait for you, but try as I may it seems that I cannot forget you either. So, have you found what you were looking for? I am still searching,and so far all I seem to find is you.
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