Giving Up....Again
Friday, May. 07, 2004, 22:36
I feel the need to add an entry but I really don't know what to say. There are so many thoughts running through my mind,I have no clue as to where to begin writing them down.
I always seem to want what I can't have or in this case "who" I can't have, while at the same time there is a perfectly wonderful man who is crazy about me, but whom I can't get excited about. I truly believe that I want a nice guy.I know sometimes we women are accused of saying that we want the nice guy, when in reality we want the jerks. I am tired of jerks, sick and tired of games and lies.
I am at a cross road, not knowing if I should go left or right. The biggest part of me wants to profess my love to someone, I want to tell him that I am madly in love with him and that I want to spend the rest of eternity discovering every inch of his anatomy, exploring his mind and awakening his fiery spirit. I want to grow old with him, sit with him on the porch sharing jello and stories of our younger, more stupid days. When I am 80 or 90, I want to laugh with him about how he stuck his neck out like a goose to give me that first kiss on my cheek. And about how on our first date at "Wine Over Water" walking across the bridge, he laughed at me because I was already tipsy when he pointed out "You can't stop drinking now, we are not even over the water yet." I looked over the railing and sure enough....we were still above dry land.
Then reality sets in and I realize that you can't make someone fall in love with you, you can't convince someone else that they are good enough for you and you can't wish certain things into being. All that you can do is patiently wait or give up. I am beginning to see that it is best that I give up, throw in the towel and concede to the other opponent. I hope she realizes what a catch he is and treats him well. I know that I would.
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