Mulling Things Over
Thursday, Nov. 18, 2004, 20:59
I was catching up on my Diaryland reads today when something that the Turtle wrote struck a nerve with me. He said "there comes a point when you can't support your friends when they do things that harm their friends, particularly if you are that friend. Better to go away and let them live their life."
I stared at those words for a long time, reading and rereading them, mulling them over in my mind. I realize that some friends will hurt you intentionally (having been on the receiving end of that a time or two) while others can cause pain through no fault of their own. Sometimes when two people aren't on the same page emotionally, it can hurt desperately because one wants what the other is unable or unwilling to give.
I realize that my thinking of John every day like I do is hurting me. The way that I miss him hurts me, just as my unexplained need to hear his voice hurts me. I have even had to erase his number from my cell phone so that I won't be so tempted to call him.
I do know that things always tend to work out for the best and for now I think the best that I can do for John and for myself is to go away and let him live his life. In the process, I will be living mine and hopefully find someone to share it with. As much as I am tired of searching, I am tired of loneliness even more, therefore I know that I must keep my chin up and a smile on my face.
Although, you have to admit, it really is sad when you think about it.
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