Quiet Thoughts
Wednesday, Nov. 24, 2004, 22:40
It was much too quiet around the house today. There was a light rain outside, so there was nothing better to do than stay in and relax. Occasionally you could hear the refrigerator kick on, the motor humming quietly in the stillness. It was the perfect day for napping and for thinking. The latter of which I indulged too much.
I thought of the month ahead, my upcoming trip to New Orleans, my birthday, the holiday parties, Christmas day,New Years Eve....all of which I will be doing alone it seems. I will have my family, but I will not have the elusive "significant other" to share the merriment with. It has been like this forever it seems and I like to think that I am fine with that idea, but sometimes I am not.
My thoughts today turned to recent events and I realize that it seems insane to have to work so hard to forget about someone. It doesn't make much sense for two people who are crazy about one another to put forth so much effort to stay apart. To deny feelings, to avoid the chance for happiness and to give up without really trying are all foreign to me and I am having a much more difficult time doing that lately. I find myself thinking of him, wondering how he is, what he is doing, and wanting to hear his voice. I long to see him smile and to share in his laughter. I simply can not let go for some reason. I know that I must because he apparently has been able to. It would be nice to know what the secret to letting go is. I wish he would tell me.
Maybe working tomorrow will help take my mind off things, well for about 12 hours at least.
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